My hands are back

I don't even know if it's possible to be scared anymore. My hands disappeared in the middle of that last sentence. Just above the wrist. Gone. Like I'd been amputated for years. Can you imagine how much it sucks to be bawling your eyes out and not be able to blow your nose? I don't think I've ever cried so much in my life. I almost crushed my laptop I jumped off of my bed so hard.

And then, ten minutes ago, they just came back. I wanted to cry with joy but my eyes are so dry now from crying all day that they're sore. I couldn't even pet Sadie when she tried to comfort me. It was horrible. My heart goes out to anyone who's ever lost a limb, even though I lost them for a short time... I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. I don't know what's happening to me. I kept trying to convince myself that this wasn't real, that it was a dream. But it's all so vivid, and it feels like I've been in here for years.

I don't know what to do. I don't know how to deal with this. How long will it last? Am I going to die in here? Why hasn't anyone come looking for me? My roommates? My coworkers? It's as if I don't exist anymore. I haven't eaten since before my hands disappeared, and I'm not even hungry. But I don't feel lethargic, or starved.... I just don't feel like I need to eat. Maybe I won't die in here. Maybe I'm just going to live in here forever.

I'm not a bad person. But I keep thinking that maybe I'm in hell. Somehow, I died at the turn of 2013 and I'm now in hell. Stuck in this melting room, demons fucking with me and taking my limbs, blogging the only way to try to reach out to someone, anyone. I'm not even sure if there's anyone out there. Maybe the whole world has ended. Maybe everyone else is dead. Maybe they're all trapped too, unable to leave the confines of their rooms or wherever they are.

I need to sleep.