Hello Emerald

I have a reply. Thank you for your concern. I'm not sure if I'm all right, but I'm still alive, if that's what you mean. It's comforting to know that someone insists that I must exist... but how do I know that you exist?

There was a giant spider holding my laptop hostage. Sounds insane, but true. When his massive furry legs crawled up over the edge of my bed Sadie and I made a beeline for the other side of the room. He didn't attack us. He just sat on my bed. For a very long time.

Now he's on the ceiling. I think he's a he, anyway. I've been talking to him. I don't know if he can understand me or even hear me... I don't think that regular spiders can understand humans but he's so big... he's got two humps on his back like a camel. The sapphire blue hairs all over his body look really soft, but as used to his presence as I am at this point, I don't think I'll be touching him anytime soon. I've never really had a problem with spiders... but I'm pretty sure he could eat me and Sadie whole. Together.

Emerald. What a pretty name. I don't know if it's your real name, people use internet handles all the time, but it's pretty anyway. I bet you get that a lot. I hope I didn't offend by implying you don't exist. I just... I don't really know what is real and not real anymore. Five days ago I wouldn't have thought that walls could melt or that giant spiders existed. But here I am. Maybe nothing existed before and I've been born into a new world. Or maybe I've been shunted into another one and for some reason the only link is this.

I'm pretty proud of myself right now. I'm not shaking... I think I'm starting to deal with the fear. Maybe Sadie's carefree attitude is rubbing off on me. I'm so glad she's here. It's probably selfish of me to want her in this place, but it's nice to have her comfort. I hope she feels the same way. I wish she could talk back to me. I almost wish the spider could too, even though I'm not sure I'd like what he had to say. He might have all the answers, or just more questions, or be trying to figure out what part of me would taste best.

Tell me about yourself, Emerald, convince me you exist. Do you live near me? No, don't answer that. The crippling fear pushed down in the back of my head is that nothing is out there. Even if you are a figment of my imagination, having you tell me that the fire department was here, and nothing is amiss... I don't know what I really want to hear right now. Maybe, just talk to me. Some kind of normalcy. Do you have a family? Pets?

My family is pretty cool. I have an older brother, Stephen, he's thirty and lives in China. He likes travel photography, but he's old school. He uses an old Nikon film camera and takes all kinds of cool pictures all over the world. He makes travel journals, he's published a few but most are just for his own collection. I haven't seen him in a few years, but he likes to send me postcards. It's too bad he isn't computer savvy, then I could follow a travel blog or something, just to feel close.

My parents live in Texas, in a trailer park. That sounds kinda rednecky but it's not, it's a community for retired people that hate winter. Bingo nights and stuff. Their trailer is more like a bungalow, really. I've seen pictures. Little white picket fence, a birdbath. I've always meant to visit but it's expensive to go, and I don't know what I'd do with Sadie. My roommates are cool but she needs a lot of attention. Or maybe she doesn't. Maybe it's me that's needy and she's the one giving me the attention.

He moved a little. The spider. I'm glad I have a lamp instead of a light fixture because he'd probably be straddling it right now. To be honest, I don't even know how the lamp is working... the power cord just disappears into the muck. There's got to be an outlet under there somewhere, and for some reason it's working. I thought about trying to feel it or something, but I'm afraid the plug will come out and I won't be able to get it back in. Same with the computer. I don't want to be stuck with only the screen as my light... without windows it's dark in here, the only reason I know the time of day is because of the computer.

I never really thought about the existence of god before. Should it be capitalized? I don't know much about religion. Public schools all my life. Wouldn't it be funny if the spider was god? I don't think there are any religions that have a giant humpbacked spider as their deity. Maybe I'll research that for awhile before I try to sleep. If I find one, I hope they find this blog so that it's confirmed their god exists. And he's wasting his time hanging out with me in my gooey prison bedroom.

Goodnight, Emerald.